There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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