The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
