After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
