jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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