I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
