I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't turn off my feet"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
