im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
