I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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