Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
