He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
