I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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