Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
