I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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