I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
