Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
