I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
