You're completely useless in the revolution.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
