Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
