Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
