Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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