my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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