This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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