on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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