Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
