nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
