Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
