so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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