I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
