you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
