You made me cry and you don't even care
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
