i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
