I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
