Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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