He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
