eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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