I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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