I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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