he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
