I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
