So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
