i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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