i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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