i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
