Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
