I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
