I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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