we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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