I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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