So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
