just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
