Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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