my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
