the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
