Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
