if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize