I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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