she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
