I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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