I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
