i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
