you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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