I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
