You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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