38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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