he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
