Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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