My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How does it feel to date your dad?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize